I just sent my daughter a text which read in part "fuck a duck"  -- and I have to think how things have changed as the years go by.  My mother would have had a heart attack, foamed at the mouth, and laid flat out before she would ever use the word "fuck".  She actually used to spell "crap" - and then apologize.  How times have changed!!

I watch my children raise their children and am amazed -- how much they do together with their children - the places they go, the things they see, the experiences they have -- far more than I ever did with my children.  And definitely more than mine did with me.  Some difference, of course, is the money -- they are far better off at a younger age than I was -- but even the free things are outstanding. 

By the way, I am encouraging my grandchildren to have teen age sex (when they get there) so that possibly I can get Great Grandchildren somewhat sooner than later -- since I am somewhat older as a grandmother -- and I wish to see my Greats!

Bye for now.

There has to be somewhere where my heart can bleed out -- where I can express all the pain and the lonliness now that GiGi McGillacutty Stuart has been put down.  She was my best friend -- home with me for the last 12 years -- and I put her down.  I do not understand death.  I do not understand why she (and they) had to leave me.  I totally don't understand.  Life should go on.  Why must it stop?  My heart is not happy. 

And then you have....

Tomorrow I put GiGi down.  She is the last of my caretaking responsibilities.  For 33 1/2 years, I have cared for children, parents, couple of dogs and a cat.  Now they have, in effect, left me.  Some through death -- some from moving away physically -- and sometimes mentally -- Didn't think of myself as "caretaker" -- never ever considered that in defining me.  But now that GiGi is leaving me (I'm putting her down - but note that "she is leaving me"), I have to ask -- "what's left?".  It brings up so many questions -- Who am I now?  Who was I then?  Why can't I be that now?  What is life about?  What will the next 25 years be about?  No more caretaking leaves me with nothing important to do -- no one depending on me.