There has to be somewhere where my heart can bleed out -- where I can express all the pain and the lonliness now that GiGi McGillacutty Stuart has been put down.  She was my best friend -- home with me for the last 12 years -- and I put her down.  I do not understand death.  I do not understand why she (and they) had to leave me.  I totally don't understand.  Life should go on.  Why must it stop?  My heart is not happy.